"Every soul shall have a taste of death: And only on the Day of Judgment shall you be paid your full recompense. Only he who is saved far from the Fire and admitted to the Garden will have attained the object (of Life): For the life of this world is but goods and chattels of deception." (Al Imran Chapter 3 verse 185)

Tuesday, December 05, 2006

My Father

A fatherhood celebration being held on the 15th of December is causing me to reminisce. It has made me realise that this is one of the things we are lacking (especially in our community). We seem to devote lot of time appreciating our mothers (and quite rightly so), but in rushing to praise our mothers we tend to neglect our fathers.

As a daughter I tend to empathise more with my mother because I have seen the physical and emotional pain that a mother goes through for her children. My mama carried me and my siblings for 9mnths and has taught me a lot of life skills.

My father did not carry me for 9mnths (if he did he would probably be named as one of the wonders of the world....lool) but I can assure you that he went through his own mental and physical hurdle with our births (I witnessed this when my baby brother was born). As a child in kindergarten my baba was this kind man who always found the time to answer my many questions (and there were many questions....believe me!) and indulge my imagination. As my mother taught me the practical things in life my baba was grooming me mentally. At the age of three I remember him giving me kids section of the Sunday Nation (a news paper in Kenya) as he read up on the current affairs in the world.....I would be sitting next to him, imitating his pose and reading up on the current of affairs of what was then my world (the adventures of Tin Tin and Denis the Menace.....I was an early developer). I remember when he used to correct my mispronunciations of words such as nation which I would read natyon.....loool. One of my fondest memories is my baba buying me my first novel at the age of seven (David Copperfield by Dickens....published by Penguin) which I read with his help and a dictionary.

As I reached the ages of 8 to 11, my father employed other ways of teaching me about the world. Since I was the eldest my father decided to teach me about responsibility, tolerance and patience. At the time I wasn’t fond of his methods as I believed they interfered with whatever life I had. I was to do chores (even though we had a maid), I had to look after my sibling whenever we went out without my parents (I used think it was a curse being the mentality was why me?) and I was also to lead by example (this was just too exhausting as I had to think twice about everything I would my sibling perceive it?). I started resenting my father for this no nonsense tough approach..........I just started thinking that he didn’t understand me :(

During my teenage years I lived away from home (which was kinda tough) but I have to say that these years have made me who I am. This was the perfect medium for me to put into practice all that I had learnt from my father and mother. As I grew I hated the fact that I had lost the childhood bond that I had with my father ( I remember the days when I used to curl next to him in the morning before work and just talk.....he always listened to me attentively even though I was two or three and probably talking nonsense). In the last ten years I have come to appreciate my father a lot more. I have come to realise (alhamdulillah) that even though at times I thought that he was singling me out, he was only after my best interest. Those that love you are the ones that tell you about your faults......this is so true. A few years ago when I went back home (first time in seven years) I remember watching television with my little sister when an advert came on. It showed this little three year old that dropped one of her wooden toys in a miniature water hole (I think). The girl wanted to get her toy back but the hole was too deep, so she walks away (at this point you think she has given up) but she comes back with a container filled with stones which she drops one by one in the hole. Soon the water rises and she gets her toys :) As we are watching this my sister turns to me and says "every time abo sees this video he says that she reminds him of you". I was grinning like there was no tomorrow :D in fact I grin every time I remember this......

My baba has taught me a lot about kindness, tolerance, patience, self control......He has always remained calm through any adversity (it is a rare sight to see my father without a hair in place whatever the circumstance). He has taught me to keep my trust in a Higher power. When I realised this I wrote him a letter of appreciation. Boy was it an essay......all ten pages of it. It was time my father knew how I felt about him and how much he means to me. After receiving this letter he called me and we had the longest phone conversation in the history of my father....loool, it was pleasant. I have realised that my father loved me from the moment he felt me move inside my mama..........this is a feeling that I can’t put into words....

Now as an adult, my father is my advisor and confidante. He is my best friend......the one that never fails to calm me down. Although he hasn't lost that look of authority that intimidates everyone (including me)......I have just learnt to interpret that look as wisdom (it is all about perception at the end of the day...). In my family my mother is the fiery one while my father is like the rain on a hot summer and refreshing :)

I thank Allah for giving me the opportunity to know such a great man and for granting me the ability to show my appreciation......alhamdulillahI pray that Allah rewards my parent for all the hard work they have done on our behalf. I pray that Allah keeps them with us for many years to come and grants them Janatul Firdows.

Thank you Paradise for reminding me of what a great man my father is......jazakillah kheyran



Blogger MD said...

that was beautiful native...i think that instead of all this silly write your 6 weird things we should ask everyone to write about their fathers....

Tuesday, December 05, 2006 9:51:00 PM  
Blogger Aya said...

Fathers are wonderful teachers, aren't they? Pity our culture marginalizes them sometimes. You are indeed very lucky to have been the daughter of your father.

Wednesday, December 06, 2006 5:29:00 AM  
Blogger The Rendezvous said...

You surely love and appreciate
your parents and that is a great thing I suppose.

We Men endure so much pressure that many women don't understand or fail to understand from time to time..But many boys still keep it real.Your father was upto that.It is good you have seen how he managed his life and that of your entire family.

It is good he raised you to be a very good Muslimah..Our beloved Prophet Mohammad saw once said "Whoever raises two daughters..(Like sisters) and they become people of moral, enters Jannah..we pray all.

But There are so many celebrations nowadays,...babaday..mamaday...vijanasdays...Eid..christmass..mademsday..

Wednesday, December 06, 2006 11:12:00 AM  
Blogger NATIVE FEMALE said...

MD: Thnk u!
Is that u trying to get out of writing bout ur wierdness...lool. But 4real, u are ryt... :)

Aya: I knw am luck...alhamdulillah and mashaAllah. And it is a pity indeed that we marginalise our fathers....inshaAllah kheyr

Ren: I do love and appreciate my parents..alhamdulillah.There is the ying and yang to everything. Others are not as lucky as I am. That's why I am saying alhamdulillah.
There are many celebrations.....but they r too any case we should be thankful and mindfull evry day.....


Wednesday, December 06, 2006 3:05:00 PM  
Blogger white african said...

hey md i liked that weird stuff, dont be dissing banana.... your idea of the father is good though so i will applaude youfor that.

thanks native for that, may allah swt give your father long life and may he always be happy and blessed, and may his abode be jannah with the prophet saw (ameen)

i feel inspired to blog about mine, hmmmmm

Friday, December 08, 2006 9:33:00 AM  
Blogger NM said...

awww...mashallah thats lovely. It is so true that we really do take our fathers for granted and we don't acknowledge them as much.

If you listened to talk and compared how many times you mentioned your father to the number of times you mentioned your mother, its sadly lacking.

Or when you go shopping and you grab your mother something but not your father :(

I for one need to address this i think. Blog about my daddy coming up.

Friday, December 08, 2006 10:31:00 AM  
Blogger Ever The Idealist said...

Well done Native. You have inspired a bunch of people to take more notice of their fathers. May Allah reward you and may he keep your parents happy and guide them alwayss. Ameen. Iam looking forward to these blogs about the groups fathers...should be intersting

Friday, December 08, 2006 11:12:00 AM  
Blogger NATIVE FEMALE said...

Girlz.....ameen tou all your duas and am glad that you ahve been inspired to write about your fathers :)

And thank you also!

I will be looking forward to the bogs about your baba's ladies....


Friday, December 08, 2006 11:58:00 AM  
Blogger muslimah said...

asalamu alaikum

I'd have to write a novel about my dad! All I can say is alhamdullilah. jazakallah sis for an amazing and inspiring post!

Saturday, December 09, 2006 4:43:00 AM  
Blogger Firefly said...

That's a lovely tribute to your dad, Native. Amiin to the duas.

Sunday, December 10, 2006 1:40:00 AM  
Blogger NATIVE FEMALE said...

Wa alaykum salam
MashaAllah Muslimah...fathers are a blessing. Wa iyyaki sis :)

Firefly....longtime no hear...jazakillah sweety :)

Monday, December 11, 2006 12:06:00 PM  
Blogger Ever The Idealist said...

how you doing Native? not had much time to drop by. Love you still tho xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Monday, December 11, 2006 12:36:00 PM  
Blogger NATIVE FEMALE said...

I is doin fine. Jazakillah Kheyr.
The feeling is mutual Idealist xXx

Tuesday, December 12, 2006 11:26:00 AM  
Blogger Edward Ott said...

I did not come to truely apperciate my Parents until i Became one. As children we are so often blind by thinking we know everything.

Tuesday, December 12, 2006 12:35:00 PM  
Blogger NATIVE FEMALE said...

You have spoken true words Edward.

When I witnessed my sista giving birth to her son, the first thing I did after coming out of the delivery room was to call my mother and ask for her forgiveness.

I am not a parent yet but I am hoping to keep on appreciating my parents for the rest of my life....after all they come second to the Almighty and after Allah they are the ones we owe our existance to......

InshaAllah kheyr

Tuesday, December 12, 2006 1:52:00 PM  
Blogger Firdos said...

Well done to you and you're welcome. I'm looking forward to the big day- 3 more days!! I hope to see lots of bloggers- u'll have to introduce yourselves during the break inshallah. :-)


Tuesday, December 12, 2006 9:05:00 PM  
Blogger NATIVE FEMALE said...

Thank You Paradise :)
InshaAllah the big day would be a success

Thursday, December 14, 2006 1:51:00 PM  

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